Short story, by Maria Burnham

There Was An Old Woman; or, The curious incident of the missing insulation
a story based (loosely) on true events

This story is lovingly dedicated to the memory of EDNA, who really liked wallpaper and renovations.

Once upon a summer, there was an old woman.
Once upon a summer, there was an old woman with a garage and a Big Idea.
The old woman was handy with her hands, so she took her garage and her Big Idea and with her hands she made... a brand new kitchen!
It was very hot that summer so the old woman said, "I will make this kitchen cool and airy. That way I will never feel too hot while I am cooking."
She put in windows.
She laid big red stones on the ground.
She installed appliances and counter tops.
When she was done, the kitchen was everything she had imagined. But she had forgotten one thing:

Insulation.

"no matter," the old woman said. "I will just add a fireplace. Then, when it gets cold in the winter, I will build a fire to keep me warm."
The old woman enjoyed her cool kitchen all throughout the summer.
She even enjoyed it in the fall.
But when the winter came, she realized that her kitchen was Too Cold!
The fireplace did not keep the room warm enough. Working hard did not keep her warm enough, either.
The olive oil froze in the cupboards.
The ice cream did not melt when she left it on the counter tops.
Icicles hung on the inside of the windows.

The old woman hated the very idea of cooking in her cold kitchen. Every time she felt hungry, she would walk into the kitchen, feel the cold air, and say, "No. It is too cold. I would rather go to bed hungry than cook dinner in that freezing kitchen."
She felt frustrated and sad that her kitchen was so cold.
She almost started to hate her beautiful kitchen until....
she realized that her cold kitchen was making her lose weight!
"What a wonderful kitchen I have built," She said to herself. "All my life I have tried to diet, but have never managed to lose a pound. Now, thanks to my cold kitchen, I can finally fit back into my jeans from high-school!"

Well, as is the way of life, the old woman grew older and older until one day, she died.
Her clothes were packed up
Her furniture was moved out.
Finally, her house (with its beautiful kitchen) was sold.

Once upon a summer, there were four best friends.
Once upon a summer, there were four best friends who needed a place to live.
They found a house with a beautiful kitchen.
They moved in.
Unfortunately, they didn't want to lose weight....
The end.